The rated R harry potter
by PopcornShirimp
Summary: Me and my cosint Breanna made this when we were camping last summer. basicly Harry is a stoner, Ron's secretly gay and Hermoine is a crazy stalker.random ghetto language used.


The X-rated version of Harry Potter

Chapa # 1

"Peace Nigga" James potter walked down the street boldly showing his WBBPCG (wanna be black people community group) badge on his robes! He walked down the ally of 'DA hood gangster' town, when he spotted his woman mackin out wit some white boy phat V, (Voldemort.)

"Dawg" he walked up to his woman. "Yo, G, why ya all mackin on this cracker when we got lil H back home?"

Lilly stood up as she put her robes back on. Voldemort stood up and said "Dont be hating G!"

Lilly spoke up in a quite voice "Phat V, Lil' H ain't urs!"

"Whatcha talkin bout' Lil' H ain't mine! I gave that chillin my favorite lightning tattoo. He has to be mine," said Voldemort.

"I'm sorry but he is James's" said Lilly.

"Aw hell no pussy don't sing unless i get paidddd," Vodemort said as he gave a swish of his wand and Lilly and James got aids and blew to chunks!

Chapa # 2

"Hey crack head wake up" Dudley banged on his door, eager to go to the zoo.

"Hold on you old shit I haven't had my morning smoke yet" Harry whipped out his bong as he said this. 1 half hour later harry emerged from his smoke filled room into the kitchen.

"Make my coffee boy," shouted Vernon, Harry's uncle

"Get it yourself you cock faced shit master" harry said as he slapped his aunts ass and walked into the living room. She gave him a very pleasing smile, eager for more! A large band came from the front door; a big shadowy figure stood out side

"We dont want any bloody Girl Scout cookies" shouted Vernon.

At the slightest sound of food, Dudley ran towards the bathroom to go and puke up his two crackers and glass of water he had eaten in two days. Dudley suffers from a severe case of Balimia. Another loud bang came from the door, the door fell down. "Harry, you are a wizard, and it is time for you to come to Hogwarts, a wizarding school." Harry reached into his pocket and took out his whiteout and proclaimed, " man, I need some stronger stuff." He than whisked away with the random dude on his journey to Hogwarts.

Chapa # 3

Harry sat very pissed on the train; the conductor confiscated his bong and his weed. At this very time, he should be smoking a pancake. At the very thought of that, a very freckled red head appeared in the cabin of the train. " Is there a free spot in here, everyone else is straight, I mean everyone else is full, full, full that's it." Harry looked at him oddly. " You haven't got any smokes have you?" Ron reached into his pocket and handed him three joints. " I have only got these, but no lighter." As he finished his sentence, a girl appeared in his cabin holding a lighter. " Hey you are Harry Potter." She pulled out her hello kitty journal. " You were born on ... and your ... and ... and ... and.!" Harry walked slowly backwards scared that she was stalking him, she quickly pulled out her wand in a desperate attempt to amuse Harry. " You wanna see a magic trick?" She twirled her wand, in response; it jumped out of her hand and ignited into flames. Harry quickly tackled the flame and lighted all three joints. All three of them sat there and smoked the ride away.

Chapa # 4

All the first year students stood eagerly to be sorted into their houses by the sorting hat. Professor McGonagal stood up holding a large parchment she read out loud. " Ronald Weasely." He slowly walked forward and sat on the stool cautiously, and professor McGonagal placed the sorting hat upon his head. His face light up with glee as the sorting hat had appeared by spectators to be caressing his gently. It than shouted, " Harder harder harder." Ron came out of his sexual trance, " I mean uh, uh, uh, ... " Another Weasely, I know just what to do with you, I mean where to put you!" Said the hat. "Griffendore." McGonagal called up Harry. Ron walks slowly away from the stool covering the boner that was eroding in his pants. Harry sat unsettle on the stool for he was blazed off his butt from his morning smoke. She put the hat on Harry's head. " Oh Harry Potter." said the hat " you would do good in Slitherin." " No I would not." "Yes, yes you would." " No"," Yes"," No"," Slitherin"," Two joints says Griffendore." " Griffendore". Harry reached into his pockets and took out two joints and handed them to the hat.


End file.
